Dear Muggle Writers of Harry Potter Fanfictions
by pali99
Summary: The characters of Harry Potter have somehow found out about Fanfiction and they are reading some stories. Most of them have a bone to pick with us muggles. Find out just what they've been thinking. Reviews welcome!
1. Harry Potter

A/N- Hey guys thought this would be a fun story so enjoy. Help me out. Give suggestions on who to do next please.

Dear Fanfiction,

First of all I don't have a long lost twin or an evil one for that matter. Second I am perfectly strait. I would never date, seduce, or have a sexual interaction with another male. Ron is my best friend and the first time I read one of your "Drarry" stories I was sitting with my lovely wife and we both puked simultaneously. Talk about a graphic story. I mean seriously people, some children do go on this site and what some of you creeps do is just plain nasty. The worst though has to be you pairing me with Voldemort. Come on people. Doesn't that sicken even you? Have you no decency. (Don't answer that one I think I know the answer.) Now that that's out of the way, I have more things to address about my relationship. I love Ginny Weasley, get that through your thick skulls muggles. Sure I may have kissed Cho in like 5th year, but seriously? And what about all of those with Hermione and me. I mean she's kinda cute and all, but I like to think of us as just friends and I could never do something like that to my best mate Ron.

Yours very angrily,

Harry Potter


	2. Hermione Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers,

I, Hermione Granger Weasley, am completely and utterly in love with Draco Malfoy. I can't even believe that I used to hate him. I realized that all that hate between us was really there to hide our deep love and compassion towards each other.

Bloody hell no. You muggles are sick and very much so twisted. "Dramione?" What the hell is that? You people have no moral. Me and the Ferret? Who the heck came up with that one? I had no idea about fanfiction until my friend Ginny showed it to me. She got Ron addicted. One day I was making dinner when I noticed Ron's face go completely pale. I thought he was about to pass out so I got us some water. I started looking at what he was reading and immediately spit my water out. I hope you can see where I'm going with this one. Horrible. God whatever happened to the rating R. Then Ron did the worst thing he possibly could have thought of and asked me if any of it was true! Now I love Ron to bits, but seriously? Why in bloody hell would that ever be true? And before you ask no it wasn't.

Also I am not an overemotional crybaby and I have never been. You people make me look so pathetic. I don't need your pity.

Not so sincerely,

Hermione Weasley

A/N- I didn't like writing this one because I am a die hard Dramione fan, but you have to do what you have to do. Thanks to my reviewer WerrnogWeasley96 you rock!


	3. Ronald Weasley

A/N- hey guys right here is where I would be thanking all the people who review my next chapter except oh yeah no one did. Come on people? 63 of you have read my story but only two reviews?

Dear the extremely stupid, retarded, dumb, bloody stupid (Again), nasty, perverted, idiotic writers of fanfiction,

I could come here writing my letter and say wow great job you all have really captured the true essence of Harry Potter but I'm not because it isn't at all true. Bloody hell you people are absolutely bonkers. First of all I am totally and completely strait. I'm straighter than a ruler! I really don't appreciate you paring me with my good mate harry because honestly people, that's just wrong. I also don't appreciate you pairing my wife with that ferret Malfoy. That one might actually be worse than me and Harry. I also can't stand to read those horrific stories about my daughter Rose and that Scorpious Scorpios Scorpi.. oh however you spell the dam name. I am her father and although I know that one day she'll fall in love and marry I can almost deem it a fact that she would never in her right mind pick that that…. that son of a ferret.

How dare you call me a pig that can't put my food down? I am perfectly capable of eating as I please. I am actually on a diet. This rant could go on and on, but I'm not going to waste my time with you people. Not so very good day.

Yours very not sincerely,

Ronald Weasley


	4. Ginny Potter

Dear Fanfiction writers,

Hi there guys. You're probably expecting me to go all rainbows and unicorns on you and say," Wow you muggles are writing brilliant stories!" but no, heck no! You people have some sick and twisted minds. I appreciate that most of you don't try and pair me with complete morons, but I have read some Ginny/Draco stories and now I've been scarred for life! This letter is mostly regarding my friends, siblings, and wonderful husband. First of all I hardly think that Hermione enjoys you pairing her with the ferret just as I don't. Actually scratch that I bet she despises you for it. Yeah that's all of you that that applies to and just so happen to be sitting here reading this you better feel ashamed and go crawl under a rock. Crawl under a rock and cry your heart out. Next of all my poor brother Ron has been paired with so many other males that I think he's currently considering committing suicide. My husband Harry is in a very similar position and if that's not the worst part he's also being paired with other women. I'm his wife. Did he tell you about the "Drarry" story? I'm sure he did. Back off you pervs! Well thank you all so much for listening to me rant about what you all have to fix. If I don't see changes prepare to be hexed into the oblivion.

With Love,

Ginny Potter

A/N- Sorry this one was fun to right please review! Thanks to Hailstorm234.!


	5. Severus Snape

A/N- Hey guys! This one just came to me so I had to write it. Just imagine Snape talking slowly at a lethargic pace like he does.

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

You are all probably wondering how on Earth I am sending this letter from the dead, but I assure you that that is just it. I am not on Earth so therefore it is perfectly normal. I'm sure that you all know my great friend and mentor, Albus Dumbuldore. I'm sure you will be hearing from him sometime in the near future. I would just like to clear up that I did not want to under any means kill Albus Dumbuldore. He approached me one night after I told him how the dark lord wanted the Malfoy kid to him. He told me that I must not let little Draco Malfoy kill him and that I was to do the deed. As much as I argued he wouldn't uphold so I did it. Not that you muggles would ever understand something so emotionally complex. There we go end of story.

Secondly, I am not a pedophile What about me ever gave you muggles that idea. Have you ever noticed that there are probably more stories about Granger and I then her and Mr. Weasley? Well, I can almost ensure that if u looked it up it would most certainly be true. I was not in a relationship with the dark lord either. I've never thought highly of muggles, but now that I see what you all have been righting it makes me dislike you even more.

In addition, I did not have an aversion to shampoo. It isn't easy to have perfect hair and I tried the whole nice hair thing for one year but it didn't work.

Lastly I'm dead, get over it.

Yours most insincerely,

Severus Snape


	6. Rose Weasley

A/N- I took great joy in writing this one! Thanks to everyone who has ever reviewed because I love you in a non-awkward way. Still love ya though!

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Hello there. My name is Rose Weasley, as you probably already know. I have some things to address with you people. First of all, I am not even going to comment on the stories that some of you creeps write about my parents and uncles and aunts. In addition I can barely even read some of the stories that you write about me because that's just how messed up they are. I've actually read some stories that shipped my own cousin Albus and I. Did you guys hear that? My COUSIN Albus. Some of you are really messed up.

I'm going to tell you a secret in hope that it all stops, but you have to swear on whatever you muggles swear on, my mom says it's the bible, that you won't tell anyone, especially my dad. I'm actually dating Scorpious Malfoy. Yeah I know I wasn't supposed to even talk to him unless I was insulting him or something, but I just couldn't help it because he looked so helpless. I mean I didn't just walk up to him and start making out with him either. For the first year or so we were as our parents thought, enemies. But, eventually we couldn't help it and we had to learn more about each other. We are still dating in secret in hope that one-day we can finally tell our parents. Tragic I know! But I was serious about not telling anyone else or I will hex you so much you won't be able to open your mouth one more time to take it back!

Well now that that's over with I want you all to know that I am not in Slytherin. Are you kidding? Why in insanity's darkest deepest corner (where some of you creeps live) would I be placed in Slytherin? It's a good house and everything, but I'm not a pure blood and both my parents were Gryffindors. I am also a Gryffindor and I love my house with a very strong passion. Please take all of this into consideration before you write your next fanfiction. Or else

Sincerely,

Rose Weasley

Ps. My hair is not blonde! It is red. I am a gingy however and for those of you who don't know the difference between a gingy and a red head go look it up!


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